I've given this a lot of thought ...

Just a small reality check for everyone: that internet article was not about you and it wasn't directed at you in any way.

You know which article I mean; the one that you responded to with an unwarranted level of judgement or rage. I know this doesn't fit with your worldview, but the author posted something because they were moved to share or because it's their job to provide content. It had nothing to do with you. The author doesn't know you. You inserted yourself into their life by leaving some self-righteous, pity-party, sad face, self-centered word bomb in their comments. There is such a thing as a rhetorical question, people. When someone posts "What's your excuse?", unless they follow it up with "Let me know in the comments!" what they are actually saying is "I feel like I overcame a lot to gain what I have and I am proud of the results so I'm feeling a little sassy. Hopefully this inspires other people." That's it. There's no ulterior motive. When someone titles an article with some twist on "10 things you are doing wrong", they do not literally mean YOU because - say it with me now - the author doesn't know you. Provocative headlines get more clicks. If you took the click-bait and found that the article did not actually pertain to you, move along. This is not a crisis.

I know that the follow-up outrage to being called out on this is to cite the Constitution. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone is entitled to express it. That doesn't make your opinion any more right or important than the original post. I think that's what people don't get. Well, I'm not just here to point out problems, I will offer solutions as well. And here it is: if you don't agree with an article or if the writer somehow bungled the harrowing tale that is your life (because they don't know you and their article isn't about you, even a little), post your own and watch the asinine comments roll in.

I Love Writers

I love writers. That might sounds a little self-serving but it’s true. I feel inspired and energized when I spend time with other writers, but also comforted somehow. I try to describe these interactions to my husband and he just shakes his head. “I’m glad you found your people,” he says. He’s teasing me but he’s right. And what an odd lot we are.

The things that make us laugh are decidedly off center; a writer’s sense of humor is a bit morbid and far too reliant on wordplay for the general public. Writers live for literary references, it’s almost sad how much it pleases us. We are easily pleased in general, because we don't get excited about things as much as what that thing represents. Every gift we give is symbolic somehow of the occasion or the recipient. But it’s not all thoughtful gifts and nerdy puns. Writers scrutinize and spew trivia, behaviors which generally translates as “obnoxious” to others. Unfortunately for our loved ones, our sense of what is appropriate is often compromised by our love of language. A writer’s enthusiasm for the savage beauty of the truth or the unnoticed hilarity in tragic events generally usurps the quiet voice urging us to hold our tongues. We tend to be equal parts haughty ego and red-faced self-deprecation which is an exhausting combination for someone attempting to pay us a compliment. We’re neurotic and awkwardly passionate about seemingly random things. Our outbursts are unexpected (and maybe nonsensical) but - embarrassingly -  always whole-hearted.

Of course, there is the darker side. Our romantic entanglements often make no sense. At times, it’s almost like we have to follow any storyline to it’s conclusion, even if it’s clearly a tragedy. Writers are nearly incapable of being just plain happy or sad or anything so straightforward. Every emotion is nuanced, layered or tainted in some way, weighed against what we've experienced and our expectations as scene-setters. The ability to describe these complexities is the writer's gift, but it often feels more like an obsession. Sometimes you just want to turn it off and enjoy something, perfect or not. That’s where we go wrong; we can’t escape our brains and our attempts to do so can only be self-destructive. But, on the whole, I love writers. Even with all of our quirks and insecurities.

Have you noticed other traits common to writers? What has been your experience?

Whaaat?

You know what writers do? They write. You know what I do? I think about writing. I imagine what I might write. I make plans to write. Every once in a while, I trip over a pen and find that I've actually written something by accident. And it's good. I mean, not to toot my own horn ... but seriously, toot toot. I'll have that timeless period when "I" go away and it's just the words pouring out of me and I am a force instead of a person; more alive, more connected. I love that feeling, like I am using 100% of my brain and my heart and it is effortless. LOVE that feeling. But it's not always like that. Sometimes it's work. Sometimes it's prying ideas from train-of-thought wreckage. Sometimes it's trying to illuminate the things that avoid the light. It can be maddening. And the moments when I am wrestling that stubborn thought to the ground, the Censor shows up. That bitch has got. my. number.

For instance - I'll hear a song and think, "man, I really want to blog about the reference in that line or the raw truth laid bare in the chorus" or ... whatever. Then I think, "who cares?" In so many ways, I really don't have the ego to blog. Oh, I have opinions like everyone else, I just listen to that insidious voice that tells me that no one wants to hear about them. Nobody is profound all the time, not even Stephen Fry. I just read a great post from Jenny McCarthy on her blog and it was about being a field trip mom and churning butter. Honestly. And it was hilarious.

So, what have we learned here today, children? Maybe I can go easy on myself. I'm not writing the Bible, it's a blog. Maybe I can just shut up with the negative self-talk and write already. Because writers write, ya'll.

BIG news!

So I'll just address it right up front -- I haven't blogged for the longest time. I know. But I have big news, so maybe you can forgive me. Loooooove you

Drum roll please .... I have jewelry in an actual shop now! Yes, my mom spilled the beans on Facebook this morning but I'm hoping you still find this as exciting as I do. Joel's is unique - they sell local coffee and tea and handmade truffles in addition to t-shirts. There was an article about the place in the Community Impact Newspaper yesterday! Here's a peek:

Very modern but still somehow warm and cozy. Maybe because it smells like coffee and chocolate!










The seating is flexible and informal; it makes me think of people hanging out, studying, and playing board games or role-playing games (NERD ALERT!)  The best thing is FREE WIFI!

Browse through the clever and funny t-shirts, also found here. So many irreverent and hilarious shirts, including music-based humor. I can't adequately elaborate on that last statement, you'll just have to see for yourself.

There is a comfy corner with couches and cushy chairs right next to the window. Perfect for studying, reading, chatting, working on that novel or letting your nails dry (there's a nail salon next door). I can picture stitch 'n' bitches, mommy groups, and book clubs meeting here. Maybe I'll start one of each ...

 
Here's a unique and SMART touch -- a child-size table and chairs. Awesome feature!

 Oh Austin Truffle Co., I love you so much. Most of the truffles have a metallic sheen that somehow makes them look richer. They taste like OH-EM-GEE. Right now there are seasonal ones like gingerbread and pumpkin spice and mint. They also have chocolate bars, chocolate covered marshmallows, and other chocolate things that I don't have names for but I want to cram in my mouth all the same.



 Naturally, they have the usual coffee and tea drink options but they are from local Austin-based companies. You gotta love that. I like iced coffee and the occasional hot coffee but tea is my drink of choice. Joel's has tea blends from Zhi that I have never heard of like Honeybush, Turkish Spice Mint and Coconut Assam. They are incredibly delicious. I recommend that you rush to Joel's, order a tea and truffle and browse .......

..... my case! This isn't the final design of the case; it's a work in progress. But I'm super excited and I hope you are too. I have been on hiatus with the jewelry to concentrate on my writing (more on that later) but this was an opportunity I couldn't turn down.

Growth Sucks

I didn't blog yesterday. I tried but I was too angry to say anything worth reading. I woke up angry this morning and wondered how I was going to get through this day. I remembered that I have been inspired and enlightened by The Artist's Way and I decided to really hit it hard today. Boy, am I glad I did.

Me

I think I had been avoiding the book a little because I didn't want to do the tasks. It's weird how reluctant I can be to do something that makes me happy. Anyway, one task was to imagine myself at 80 and to be really specific about the things that I had accomplished after age 50. Then I was to write a letter to my present self as my 80 year old self. I thought, 'wow this is really stupid. Also, I have no idea what direction my life is going right now, how can I envision life at 80?' Yeah, that's kind of the point. First I had to imagine my future personality and then I had to think of how that woman would see the woman I am today. I had to think of why she would feel an urgency to write me a letter; what difference she would possibly think it would mean to the people we would be in between now and then. I had to think about the goals that I consider to be most important, regardless of how I define myself now. It was eye-opening.

In the first chapter of The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron says that the tasks might seem silly but that you should do as many of them as possible. Especially the ones that appeal to you and the ones you rebel against. I see why now. Growth can be painful and we shy away from pain, even when it's necessary and especially when it's inevitable. We want to exercise our free will to avoid unpleasantness and seek superficial happiness rather than the deeper joy that comes from becoming more.

I guess what I need to remember is that this is a process that I have not completed. Is it so shocking that I didn't wake up as the new Martha Stewart or J.K Rowling or whatever? Yeah, it's a process and I'm in the middle of it. There will be more tough times, guaranteed. Maybe it's better to acknowledge that up front, eh?

Another of the tasks was to read Julia Cameron's "An Artist's Prayer" and to re-write it for yourself, then to read it everyday for a week. I will leave you with her version -- there were things that really resonated with me and there were things that I had to change to make it true for me. I encourage you to read this and then to rework it for yourself. Let's give it a week and see where it takes us.

AN ARTISTS PRAYER (Julia Cameron)
O Great Creator,
We are gathered together in your name
That we may be of greater service to you
And to our fellows.
We offer ourselves to you as instruments.
We open ourselves to your creativity in our lives.
We surrender to you our old ideas.
We welcome your new and more expansive ideas.
We trust that you will lead us.
We trust that it is safe to follow you.
We know you created us and that creativity
Is your nature and our own.
We ask you to unfold our lives
According to your plan, not our low self-worth.
Help us to believe that it is not too late
And that we are not too small or too flawed
To be healed -
By you and through each other - and made whole.
Help us to love one another,
To nurture each other's unfolding,
To encourage each other's growth,
And understand each other's fears.
Help us to know that we are not alone,
That we are loved and lovable.
Help us to create as an act of worship to you.

Victory Dance!

Awesomeness in progress...

YOU: Hey Melanie, what did you do today?

ME: (feigning an interest in my nails - ha, like I ever look at those!) Oh, nothing ... I just made two pillow cases for Alex ....

YOU: (for some reason this really excites you) What? No way! That's awesome! (You initiate a high five and I hesitate for just a split second so it's slightly awkward but I don't let it ruin the moment)

ME: I know!!! And they turned out really great; completely rectangular and very comparable in size to one another.

YOU: Well, that's just awesome. I wish I could say enough about the awesomeness but I ... I lack the words.

Ok, well maybe you aren't moved to tears by my pillow cases but I gotta say, I am giddy about completing them. I get that they are the grilled cheese sandwich of sewing but I so rarely sew that just getting the thread in all the right places and remembering to put the foot down (sorry noobs, that's sewing machine jargon) is pretty thrilling to me :)

What have we here?

The job hunt is in progress. So I am, naturally, desperate to complete a bunch of projects and they all have to be done NOW. I don't get it either, it's just the way my mind works. Here is one that I finished today ---->

I'm hoping the general idea is coming across in this picture. I feel that all this image proves is that I am not a photographer and that I need to paint my walls. Anyway, if you are planning to open an old fashioned bordello, I can clearly decorate the crap out of it. Or perhaps your hunting cabin could use a woman's touch. Look, I'm just saying - if your grandmother is a burlesque dancer, I might have a great gift.

Ha, I don't know why I'm being so sassy about it, I actually like it quite a bit and I think the picture doesn't do it justice. Inappropriate humor; just part of my charm.

I have a few other projects that I hope to take care of. I want to make Alex some pillow cases and I have already cut the material. Look how cute this is:

I've had the jungle print and the plaid-ish material for at least 10 years and have never used it. Sometimes, I am so odd. Anyway, the jungle one always kind of reminded me of scrubs a "fun" nurse would wear in a dentist office. It's called "jungle says cheese" -- I swear that's printed on the material, I did not make that up. The Cars material I got today at Hobby Lobby. Alex and I passed the cutting counter and they had it in the odds and ends basket. Alex immediately fell in love and started naming all the characters. So of course I tossed it in the basket and promised him a pillow case or something. I also have a couple of Sesame Street blankets to finish so there will probably be more pictures of my sewing machine lunacy later.

I've only cheated twice on the reading deprivation. Ugh, Facebook is like a train wreck - you can't look away! In this completely Mr. Bean moment, I was turning my head away and pulling the phone away from my face but still straining my eyes to see the screen. Oh and I checked out Twitter this morning before I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be reading. It's so automatic. Push a button, read stuff, brain off. I caught myself feeling bad for my Kindle last night, like it was a neglected pet or something. Good grief. If it did have feelings, it would probably be relieved that I'm not constantly filling it up with trashy novels anymore. I've basically been feeding it a steady diet of free books, mostly mysteries and thrillers, fantasy books, and paranormal romances. Don't judge me! I told you, I have a problem! I've actually read a few really great books ... Fine, and a bunch of poo. If I continue the food analogy, I've essentially been filling my brain with Doritos.

Well, I must be off. Let me know what you think of my progress.

Ta!