Books = Crack

Here is my life right now: chaos. I am trying to add a little order here and there but then I reach a point where I just want to watch Sherlock (BBC) and not think about anything but how much I love that show.

Sigh ...

Ok, it's not really as bad as all that. I'm wallowing and dramatizing. And I would watch Sherlock anyway because it's awesome.

Here's what I really wanted to talk to you about today: reading deprivation. As you know, I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. If you don't know this ... well, now you do. This book is a 12 week course (really more of a spiritual journey) in recovering or discovering your creativity. I know how that sounds; really, I do. I bathe regularly, I haven't participated in a drum circle, I don't listen to jam bands or smoke anything, and I have maintained gainful employment for most of my adult life. But I am a creative person who's been trying, and failing, to fit into the molds provided for me. I reached a point in my life in which nothing seemed like the right decision. I couldn't even answer the question "what do I want?" Honestly, I still can't fully answer that question but I feel like I'm getting closer.

I am in "week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity," although the time-scale is inaccurate because I have been moving more slowly than a chapter a week. So far, this book has been scary accurate and I have had at least one revelatory moment in each chapter. I don't want to ruin the book for anyone who chooses to read it (please, please read this book) and I don't want to get sued for ripping off Julia Cameron's intellectual property, so I'm not going to go in depth on the specific points in this book.

One of the revelations I've had in this chapter is that I use reading like other people use drugs. That sounds extreme but, when you break it down, it's true. I read to quiet my mind, to escape and to avoid. I fill my head with other people's words to hush the voice inside of me and to live vicariously through the characters. I read because it's easier than sorting out my feelings and opening myself up. It's a barrier and a shield and a tranquilizer and I had never realized that until a couple of days ago. I saw reading deprivation coming up in The Artist's Way and I almost lived out that moment on Friends when Joey puts Little Women in the freezer because he's freaked out about the direction it's going. I quickly put the book down and found busy work.

I marinated in the idea for a few hours. Then I went ahead and read the section a couple times. I slept on it. And I woke up this morning ready to commit to not reading for a week. That may be the most unexpected thing I have ever agreed to or written down. Right away I had to establish ground rules because I find ways to read all the time (I read the blurbs and ingredients on the backs of the containers in my bathroom while I brush my teeth. Seriously.) I can't go through and read tweets, blogs, emails, or Facebook posts unless they are correspondence with a friend. I already screwed up on this one a little -- damn you and your curious tweets, Neil Gaiman! I can't read headlines for celebrity gossip because, by God, I will click on that headline and I will learn that inane quasi-fact about that person I don't know or care about instead of doing something real and meaningful. Or at least productive.

In yet another coincidence of my life syncing up with The Artist's Way, I am job hunting. What a perfect time to not be distracted by social media and other gobbledy-gook! Hahaha! Weeee! I miss reading ....