Whaaat?

You know what writers do? They write. You know what I do? I think about writing. I imagine what I might write. I make plans to write. Every once in a while, I trip over a pen and find that I've actually written something by accident. And it's good. I mean, not to toot my own horn ... but seriously, toot toot. I'll have that timeless period when "I" go away and it's just the words pouring out of me and I am a force instead of a person; more alive, more connected. I love that feeling, like I am using 100% of my brain and my heart and it is effortless. LOVE that feeling. But it's not always like that. Sometimes it's work. Sometimes it's prying ideas from train-of-thought wreckage. Sometimes it's trying to illuminate the things that avoid the light. It can be maddening. And the moments when I am wrestling that stubborn thought to the ground, the Censor shows up. That bitch has got. my. number.

For instance - I'll hear a song and think, "man, I really want to blog about the reference in that line or the raw truth laid bare in the chorus" or ... whatever. Then I think, "who cares?" In so many ways, I really don't have the ego to blog. Oh, I have opinions like everyone else, I just listen to that insidious voice that tells me that no one wants to hear about them. Nobody is profound all the time, not even Stephen Fry. I just read a great post from Jenny McCarthy on her blog and it was about being a field trip mom and churning butter. Honestly. And it was hilarious.

So, what have we learned here today, children? Maybe I can go easy on myself. I'm not writing the Bible, it's a blog. Maybe I can just shut up with the negative self-talk and write already. Because writers write, ya'll.

BIG news!

So I'll just address it right up front -- I haven't blogged for the longest time. I know. But I have big news, so maybe you can forgive me. Loooooove you

Drum roll please .... I have jewelry in an actual shop now! Yes, my mom spilled the beans on Facebook this morning but I'm hoping you still find this as exciting as I do. Joel's is unique - they sell local coffee and tea and handmade truffles in addition to t-shirts. There was an article about the place in the Community Impact Newspaper yesterday! Here's a peek:

Very modern but still somehow warm and cozy. Maybe because it smells like coffee and chocolate!










The seating is flexible and informal; it makes me think of people hanging out, studying, and playing board games or role-playing games (NERD ALERT!)  The best thing is FREE WIFI!

Browse through the clever and funny t-shirts, also found here. So many irreverent and hilarious shirts, including music-based humor. I can't adequately elaborate on that last statement, you'll just have to see for yourself.

There is a comfy corner with couches and cushy chairs right next to the window. Perfect for studying, reading, chatting, working on that novel or letting your nails dry (there's a nail salon next door). I can picture stitch 'n' bitches, mommy groups, and book clubs meeting here. Maybe I'll start one of each ...

 
Here's a unique and SMART touch -- a child-size table and chairs. Awesome feature!

 Oh Austin Truffle Co., I love you so much. Most of the truffles have a metallic sheen that somehow makes them look richer. They taste like OH-EM-GEE. Right now there are seasonal ones like gingerbread and pumpkin spice and mint. They also have chocolate bars, chocolate covered marshmallows, and other chocolate things that I don't have names for but I want to cram in my mouth all the same.



 Naturally, they have the usual coffee and tea drink options but they are from local Austin-based companies. You gotta love that. I like iced coffee and the occasional hot coffee but tea is my drink of choice. Joel's has tea blends from Zhi that I have never heard of like Honeybush, Turkish Spice Mint and Coconut Assam. They are incredibly delicious. I recommend that you rush to Joel's, order a tea and truffle and browse .......

..... my case! This isn't the final design of the case; it's a work in progress. But I'm super excited and I hope you are too. I have been on hiatus with the jewelry to concentrate on my writing (more on that later) but this was an opportunity I couldn't turn down.

Growth Sucks

I didn't blog yesterday. I tried but I was too angry to say anything worth reading. I woke up angry this morning and wondered how I was going to get through this day. I remembered that I have been inspired and enlightened by The Artist's Way and I decided to really hit it hard today. Boy, am I glad I did.

Me

I think I had been avoiding the book a little because I didn't want to do the tasks. It's weird how reluctant I can be to do something that makes me happy. Anyway, one task was to imagine myself at 80 and to be really specific about the things that I had accomplished after age 50. Then I was to write a letter to my present self as my 80 year old self. I thought, 'wow this is really stupid. Also, I have no idea what direction my life is going right now, how can I envision life at 80?' Yeah, that's kind of the point. First I had to imagine my future personality and then I had to think of how that woman would see the woman I am today. I had to think of why she would feel an urgency to write me a letter; what difference she would possibly think it would mean to the people we would be in between now and then. I had to think about the goals that I consider to be most important, regardless of how I define myself now. It was eye-opening.

In the first chapter of The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron says that the tasks might seem silly but that you should do as many of them as possible. Especially the ones that appeal to you and the ones you rebel against. I see why now. Growth can be painful and we shy away from pain, even when it's necessary and especially when it's inevitable. We want to exercise our free will to avoid unpleasantness and seek superficial happiness rather than the deeper joy that comes from becoming more.

I guess what I need to remember is that this is a process that I have not completed. Is it so shocking that I didn't wake up as the new Martha Stewart or J.K Rowling or whatever? Yeah, it's a process and I'm in the middle of it. There will be more tough times, guaranteed. Maybe it's better to acknowledge that up front, eh?

Another of the tasks was to read Julia Cameron's "An Artist's Prayer" and to re-write it for yourself, then to read it everyday for a week. I will leave you with her version -- there were things that really resonated with me and there were things that I had to change to make it true for me. I encourage you to read this and then to rework it for yourself. Let's give it a week and see where it takes us.

AN ARTISTS PRAYER (Julia Cameron)
O Great Creator,
We are gathered together in your name
That we may be of greater service to you
And to our fellows.
We offer ourselves to you as instruments.
We open ourselves to your creativity in our lives.
We surrender to you our old ideas.
We welcome your new and more expansive ideas.
We trust that you will lead us.
We trust that it is safe to follow you.
We know you created us and that creativity
Is your nature and our own.
We ask you to unfold our lives
According to your plan, not our low self-worth.
Help us to believe that it is not too late
And that we are not too small or too flawed
To be healed -
By you and through each other - and made whole.
Help us to love one another,
To nurture each other's unfolding,
To encourage each other's growth,
And understand each other's fears.
Help us to know that we are not alone,
That we are loved and lovable.
Help us to create as an act of worship to you.

Victory Dance!

Awesomeness in progress...

YOU: Hey Melanie, what did you do today?

ME: (feigning an interest in my nails - ha, like I ever look at those!) Oh, nothing ... I just made two pillow cases for Alex ....

YOU: (for some reason this really excites you) What? No way! That's awesome! (You initiate a high five and I hesitate for just a split second so it's slightly awkward but I don't let it ruin the moment)

ME: I know!!! And they turned out really great; completely rectangular and very comparable in size to one another.

YOU: Well, that's just awesome. I wish I could say enough about the awesomeness but I ... I lack the words.

Ok, well maybe you aren't moved to tears by my pillow cases but I gotta say, I am giddy about completing them. I get that they are the grilled cheese sandwich of sewing but I so rarely sew that just getting the thread in all the right places and remembering to put the foot down (sorry noobs, that's sewing machine jargon) is pretty thrilling to me :)

What have we here?

The job hunt is in progress. So I am, naturally, desperate to complete a bunch of projects and they all have to be done NOW. I don't get it either, it's just the way my mind works. Here is one that I finished today ---->

I'm hoping the general idea is coming across in this picture. I feel that all this image proves is that I am not a photographer and that I need to paint my walls. Anyway, if you are planning to open an old fashioned bordello, I can clearly decorate the crap out of it. Or perhaps your hunting cabin could use a woman's touch. Look, I'm just saying - if your grandmother is a burlesque dancer, I might have a great gift.

Ha, I don't know why I'm being so sassy about it, I actually like it quite a bit and I think the picture doesn't do it justice. Inappropriate humor; just part of my charm.

I have a few other projects that I hope to take care of. I want to make Alex some pillow cases and I have already cut the material. Look how cute this is:

I've had the jungle print and the plaid-ish material for at least 10 years and have never used it. Sometimes, I am so odd. Anyway, the jungle one always kind of reminded me of scrubs a "fun" nurse would wear in a dentist office. It's called "jungle says cheese" -- I swear that's printed on the material, I did not make that up. The Cars material I got today at Hobby Lobby. Alex and I passed the cutting counter and they had it in the odds and ends basket. Alex immediately fell in love and started naming all the characters. So of course I tossed it in the basket and promised him a pillow case or something. I also have a couple of Sesame Street blankets to finish so there will probably be more pictures of my sewing machine lunacy later.

I've only cheated twice on the reading deprivation. Ugh, Facebook is like a train wreck - you can't look away! In this completely Mr. Bean moment, I was turning my head away and pulling the phone away from my face but still straining my eyes to see the screen. Oh and I checked out Twitter this morning before I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be reading. It's so automatic. Push a button, read stuff, brain off. I caught myself feeling bad for my Kindle last night, like it was a neglected pet or something. Good grief. If it did have feelings, it would probably be relieved that I'm not constantly filling it up with trashy novels anymore. I've basically been feeding it a steady diet of free books, mostly mysteries and thrillers, fantasy books, and paranormal romances. Don't judge me! I told you, I have a problem! I've actually read a few really great books ... Fine, and a bunch of poo. If I continue the food analogy, I've essentially been filling my brain with Doritos.

Well, I must be off. Let me know what you think of my progress.

Ta!

Books = Crack

Here is my life right now: chaos. I am trying to add a little order here and there but then I reach a point where I just want to watch Sherlock (BBC) and not think about anything but how much I love that show.

Sigh ...

Ok, it's not really as bad as all that. I'm wallowing and dramatizing. And I would watch Sherlock anyway because it's awesome.

Here's what I really wanted to talk to you about today: reading deprivation. As you know, I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. If you don't know this ... well, now you do. This book is a 12 week course (really more of a spiritual journey) in recovering or discovering your creativity. I know how that sounds; really, I do. I bathe regularly, I haven't participated in a drum circle, I don't listen to jam bands or smoke anything, and I have maintained gainful employment for most of my adult life. But I am a creative person who's been trying, and failing, to fit into the molds provided for me. I reached a point in my life in which nothing seemed like the right decision. I couldn't even answer the question "what do I want?" Honestly, I still can't fully answer that question but I feel like I'm getting closer.

I am in "week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity," although the time-scale is inaccurate because I have been moving more slowly than a chapter a week. So far, this book has been scary accurate and I have had at least one revelatory moment in each chapter. I don't want to ruin the book for anyone who chooses to read it (please, please read this book) and I don't want to get sued for ripping off Julia Cameron's intellectual property, so I'm not going to go in depth on the specific points in this book.

One of the revelations I've had in this chapter is that I use reading like other people use drugs. That sounds extreme but, when you break it down, it's true. I read to quiet my mind, to escape and to avoid. I fill my head with other people's words to hush the voice inside of me and to live vicariously through the characters. I read because it's easier than sorting out my feelings and opening myself up. It's a barrier and a shield and a tranquilizer and I had never realized that until a couple of days ago. I saw reading deprivation coming up in The Artist's Way and I almost lived out that moment on Friends when Joey puts Little Women in the freezer because he's freaked out about the direction it's going. I quickly put the book down and found busy work.

I marinated in the idea for a few hours. Then I went ahead and read the section a couple times. I slept on it. And I woke up this morning ready to commit to not reading for a week. That may be the most unexpected thing I have ever agreed to or written down. Right away I had to establish ground rules because I find ways to read all the time (I read the blurbs and ingredients on the backs of the containers in my bathroom while I brush my teeth. Seriously.) I can't go through and read tweets, blogs, emails, or Facebook posts unless they are correspondence with a friend. I already screwed up on this one a little -- damn you and your curious tweets, Neil Gaiman! I can't read headlines for celebrity gossip because, by God, I will click on that headline and I will learn that inane quasi-fact about that person I don't know or care about instead of doing something real and meaningful. Or at least productive.

In yet another coincidence of my life syncing up with The Artist's Way, I am job hunting. What a perfect time to not be distracted by social media and other gobbledy-gook! Hahaha! Weeee! I miss reading ....

HALLOWEEN!

I love Halloween. Every time I say it, I can feel my mother flinch. But I do! What a great holiday! Halloween is like the icing on the delicious spice cake that is Fall. I totally disagree with people who allege that Halloween is better for kids than adults - no way. I get to decorate the house! I get to carve a pumpkin and make pepitas! I get to dress up and put Alex (my almost 2 year old) in a costume! I get to eat his candy because, let's face it, what kind of parent would I be if I let him eat all of that crap?(!) I get to see all the kiddies in their costumes! I get to drink fall beers and flip between fun Halloween movies and football! All the best stores have spooky, fun stuff everywhere; ghosts and spiders and pumpkins and glitter! So ... much... glitter.

One of the best things is the Martha Stewart Halloween magazines that come out. What? Did I just say that out loud? YES! That woman can really do up a Halloween. I love her ideas -- they are clever and fun. Freeze olives in ice for spooky eyeball martinis. Make bat wings from an umbrella. Basically, she's the MacGyver of decorating and costuming. And if she's a little too perfect and unflappable, why not? Being creepy is certainly in tune with the season.



Thanks Mom!

If you are feeling like you might want to pooh-pooh the season, pull out Idle Hands or The Addams Family or even Labyrinth or Hellboy. There are a million great Halloween appropriate movies that don't involve disembowlings or decapitations. Eat snickerdoodle cookies and wash them down with a cider or a pumpkin ale. Buy some fake eyelashes. Listen to the Monster Mash. There's so much fun to be had this time of year, get into it!

Check out Dapper Diego...

The skull is complete! Here's how he turned out:

Pretty snazzy! I debated forever about the mustache and then finally decided that I simply wouldn't be happy unless I accessorized that grill. Now that I've made this debonair gentleman, uhhhhh .... what do I do with him? I have a couple ideas but I'd like to know what you think.

I saw something yesterday at Garden Ridge that I'm pretty sure I need. (Someday, I will make a list of all the Things I Need; the list is extensive and packed with items I clearly do not need.) Anyway, this particular item is a black, pre-lit Christmas tree. My brain absolutely rejects an image of that tree for Christmas - I'm pretty traditional when it comes to that holiday. No, I NEED it for Halloween. I briefly considered a purple tree but landed on the black one as my must-have for the gorgeous, kooky, sparkly Halloween tree that I would lovingly decorate every year. OH EM GEE! And then, to balance out the universe, I would need to get the white Christmas tree. For actual Christmas. But that's another story.

Cross Stitch Skull

Yeah you read that right. I am taking a break from jewelry for a while -- more on that later -- and I decided to cross stitch again. So, being the incredibly cheap person that I am, I scoured the internet for free patterns. I found out there are a lot of great free patterns out there and that cross stitch is so much cooler now than it has ever been. I offer exibit A: Subversive Cross Stitch

Oh, I laughed and laughed. That website is such a fun place. After seeing that I wasn't stuck with cute animals and trite sayings, I felt so inspired! Here is what I landed on:

Hey Judgy McJudgerson, it's not finished yet! And I feel good about it considering this is what I was working from:

Please feel free to use this pattern and come up with your own awesomeness. Hey, if you do, please send me the picture of your finished product! I changed the pattern up a bit here and there and obviously I had to make up my own color palate (I call it "whatever I had laying around" -- fancy), but I think she's coming right along. I already gave it a golden grill so I'm not sure if a moustache is over-doing it.... Thoughts on this? I gotta say, it's been a fun process. It's been nice to stretch my creative muscles in another direction. More to come!

Taaaahdaaaaah!

So. Yes. Here I am. I am attempting a metamorphosis and, in typical fashion, I am doing it all at once and in all the facets of my life. Incredibly easy and smart, wouldn't you say? Ha. Let's break it down, shall we?

1) Melanie, Part Deux - Those of you who have known me for a while might wonder "wasn't Melanie really into writing/acting/crocheting/make up/some other creative thing that made her happy?" The answer is yes I was and then I got scared or I felt challenged or pressured and backed off. Well, no more. I am following the book The Artist's Way and it is ... astounding. I can't say enough about this book. Please read that as a warning; I will likely bring this up a lot. And recommend it to everyone I know. Everyone.

2) Hay Zeus Creased Toe - Every realize that the only time you talk to God is when you can't find your keys or you need a green light or some other trivial thing? Even if you find that set of keys or get that green light, you just zoom through without another thought. That's kind of where I am. There's no "thank you" or "I'm sorry" or "hey just checking in." There is a bit of rebellious "what have you done for me lately?" that I can acknowledge. So, I'm working on it.

3) OMG, the clutter - I have so. Much. STUFF. I have things in boxes that I haven't seen for years. I have things I never particularly liked but they were gifts. I have things that I will never use because they have a bad memory attached to them but they are nice things. Sigh .... These things are getting in the way of my life and I want them gone. I will be garage selling, craigslisting, donating, and possibly regifting. Look forward to that.

4) Fatty Boombalatty - I have lost, since the birth of my son, over 100lbs. Granted, a lot of it was the weight I gained during my pregnancy. But the fact remains, I am much smaller than I was (though not nearly the bean pole I used to be). I am still 15 or 20lbs from where I really want to be. I am at a stage in the weight loss where diminishing my calories any further feels HARD. In truth, I just need to exercise more but one of my super powers is filling the time I could be doing something productive with bugger all. Go me! Side note: If you are looking to lose weight, go to myfitnesspal.com and DO IT. Your excuses are not going to cut it any more.

5) Le Blog - Since I have started reading The Artist's Way, I keep plowing head-first into strange coincidences. (<-- em="em" i="i" is="is" plural="plural" that="that" the="the" ugh="ugh">could
look it up but I'm just ....not) Anyhoo, coincidence always gives me a funny-spooky feeling (as opposed to funny-haha) and the author, Julia Cameron, assures me that this is because coincidence is really "synchronicity." Frankly, I am somewhat offended by that word - so self-help, so salesy, corporate feel-good and just a little bit corny sci-fi. But, I do agree that there should be a better word than "coincidence" because it's not big enough to encompass the truth in the situation. Lately, the things that I am struggling with or questioning in my mind have been brought up to me in a million little ways. So I am trying to go with it. I'm trying to take advantage of the gifts and opportunities I am being given. This blog is part of that.

Well, I could get into some more fun changes but I'm pretty sure the master of the house will be waking soon and he likes his service to be prompt. I'll be back to outline and then flesh-out more of this transitional time. And, if you like, you can read along as I try to make sense of it all.

And maybe next time, I'll include some pictures.

Ta.